Facing Rejection | Business
February 6, 2018 , Business
Well here we go. This might be my most vulnerable post ever. In my life I have experienced a lot of rejection. Who hasn’t? Some take rejection and it makes them harder, tougher, and they live to prove someone wrong. Some struggle differently and take it in and believe everything “they” say. Some fear it will happen again. Some pretend like it didn’t happen but never resolve it. Some have been rejected so many times that they now reject themselves. I’m not sure what the exact way to respond to it is but I know how I have been overcoming it in this phase of my life.
When I was in elementary school up until middle school I got made fun of. I know it sounds so cliche! I wanted so badly to fit in but I didn’t. I got made fun of because I smelled and because I tried too hard. I had a messed up home situation and had a season of raising myself. My parents were divorcing after 20+ years and we had lost four loved ones in our family. My sister was 16 and dealing with her own pain and out of the house. It was just me. Hardships were in full swing and as an 8-12 year old I wanted so badly to know it wasn’t my fault and that someone liked me. I boiled water to shower and was more concerned with turning “my” bills on than my hygiene. I didn’t know it at the time but I was trying to survive. I wasn’t your “normal” kid.
In high school, in order to avoid being disliked I tried to become what was making fun of me. I tried to blend in. I tried to be who I wasn’t. I left public high school in 10th grade because I found out that there was a God who loved me for me and I wanted to push into that more. I knew my life was heading south and the pressure I felt was no good. I was in bad relationships, partying like an out of control college student and constantly trying to fit in. I begged my parents to allow me to go to virtual school. They didn’t understand at the time but the truth was rejection was eating me alive and I needed to find a way to survive.
I met Andrew as a fresh 17 year old and my first reaction when I liked him was “I’m never going to be good enough for him.” I knew my track record and I knew his pristine record and I felt so unfit. I wanted to look like what I thought he would want. I knew in my heart I knew I needed to just be me and let go. I begged God to take my feelings away and help me to focus on changing ME. I told God that day I wanted to make genuine decisions for me. Not for someone else. I wanted to be the best version of me that would maybe one day lead me to a good guy like him. Not change my life for a guy but the opposite. I wanted my fruit to lead me somewhere good.
Andrew didn’t care about my past and was the exact opposite of rejection in my life. Except for that one time he didn’t want to make me his girlfriend yet lol. That’s for another day! Haha! But he always pursued me despite my weaknesses and failures. He was the image of how God felt towards me. I grew so much in my confidence in that season. Not because I was dating someone but because God was showing me my worth. I started to learn then that it didn’t matter how I had failed but it mattered where I placed my failures. I could talk for hours on all the experiences in my life where I have felt unworthy, judged and rejected.
The truth is… I know as a creative and in the wedding industry that so many others feel like I do. Do any of these ring a bell?
- When a couple you loved didn’t choose you.
- When you compare and feel like you are no where as talented as them.
- When they fit in and you don’t.
- When you beat yourself up over your Instagram feed, or your technical skills.
- When every inquiry is just price checking you.
We never feel enough.
Can I encourage you?
1. Don’t blend in!
Like I did in high school, our reaction can be to become the thing that we feel rejected by. Don’t mimic or copy but be who you are. I have learned when I lean into who we are we gain so much more value in our lives! Andrew and I have realized if we look like everyone else then we have nothing to offer. They can go down the road and get the same thing. If we want people to find value in us and in our business we have to stay true. Andrew and I can’t be found down the road and neither can you.
2. Lay your agenda aside
Sometimes we can pursue things with the wrong heart. Instead of trying to impress or get your agenda accomplished —- build relationships to serve. Andrew and I try and look at every vendor relationship, client relationship and friendship as opportunities to serve Where can we make an impact? How can we serve them? This changes our mentality because when you serve you expect nothing back. You are also laying down doing anything for yourself which makes sure you aren’t focusing on self. Rejection can come from being inside of your own head too much! Think of others first! It wont matter what they do or say in response because you did things not to impress or fit in. You did things because you wanted to help.
3. Know your weaknesses
If you know what you struggle with and face it HONESTLY it can’t control you. I know what I wrestle with and so when it happens I am aware. It doesn’t fester and turn into something else. Yesterday I felt rejected. By evening I had it sorted out and encouraged my heart with the truth.
4. Get vulnerable
I know it can be counter thinking to be YOU when you struggle with rejection. The truth is though when you are vulnerable in who you really are, people like that so much more. We relate to struggle. We want to know someone else feels what we do. People can’t connect with a plastic fake mannequin. They connect with heart and soul. It is proven that businesses who reflect their personal side and show a face are way more effective on social media. People love personal because they love knowing you are a real person just like them.
5. Get OUT
Grab those negative thoughts inside your own head and get out of your own self thought. We can be our BIGGEST critics and the number one rejecter. We get so used to hearing ourselves think that we think WHAT WE THINK is true. I am meaner to myself then most people are to me. A practical thing that helps me is when I grab a negative thought I ask myself WHY? WHERE? I try to figure out where that came from and I find where I started believing that lie. Just like I am telling you that rejection has been something I have faced since early in my childhood. I know where the root is and I know the root is not true. Take those negative thoughts and find a truth to takeover it. If I tell myself I am not capable I remember that my strength doesn’t come from ME it comes HIM. When I tell myself I have failed too many times and can’t go on I remember that every day is a new day and I get to start over. GET OUT of your own thinking!
So here I am laying down my biggest struggle. Rejection is a seriously crippling mindset. It can turn into so many outward signs. I may never not struggle with it. What I have learned though is that where I place my rejections makes all the difference. I can’t react when I feel rejected I have to search for the truth. For me, it comes down to trust and knowing who God has made me to be. For you it might be different but I hope you can let go and know the truth. That you aren’t who or what those lies say you are. You may never ever feel enough. We all fall short! That’s not the lie, because honestly… that part is true. But WHEN you fall short it doesn’t have to define you and it is NOT rejection. When you look at your failures as opportunities to better yourself and learn it changes it. Lean in when you feel rejected and find out the truth. Don’t fester and let it sit. Find those opportunities and don’t react but place them where they go. You are not who they say and are never defined by a failure.
Sharing, serving and celebrating,
Andrew + Chrissy