We are just a few weeks out from our due date and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out just when this baby might come. We talk through all the different scenarios that could happen. Will it happen when Andrew is at work? During the night? When everyone is busy? A week early? A week late? It is truly comical how much time we are spend thinking through it. This is a true season of expectancy. Where you can see any time now it could happen and you believe it will happen soon but the details and everything about it are completely out of your control. We wonder what life will look like after. We talk about vacations, traveling, shooting weddings, you name it. There is always opportunity for something to be changed in your heart through every situation. I am a firm believer in that. Sometimes I think what a waste some of the hard times in our lives would have been if we didn’t allow them to mold and shape us into something better. ~

I have a battle going on in my head. I know that I want to wait this out and let the baby stay inside as long as she needs but I also just want to hold her and get all these unknowns over. I want to see Andrew hold her for the first time. I want to see Emlyn meet her baby sister and watch her learn to be a leader in a new way. As I read and quiet my heart in the mornings I often receive the same thing. Breathe. Trust. Let it go. My heart gets overwhelmed as I watch our four and a half year old dance around the living room to her Trolls soundtrack. How did that happen? I am not sure but it reminds my heart how quick time goes and how much I am so not in control of it. It reminds me to be grateful. It reminds me of the pain we have come from to where we are now. It is hard to believe we waited 3 and a half years to hold Emlyn and now 7 and a half years later we have a mighty little lady and we are welcoming another. It is moments like this one when I can tell my heart has fallen into the trap of our culture. Of MORE, faster, and I can do this myself! I often feel God tell me to hush and just look around. It doesn’t take long for me to realize what the battle is in my heart and just to breathe and let go and come back to an attitude of thankfulness.

There has been one song on my heart as I try to calm the feelings going on inside. I find every time I sit down to rock in my new rocking chair in our NEW babies room I just can’t help but sing..

“Find me grateful
Find me thankful
Find me on my knees
Find me dreaming
Find me singing
Find me lost in your grace”

This is where I want to rest. I don’t want to try and figure it out or be distracted by all the things while we wait or even after she arrives. It can be so stressful to try and think what life will be like with two kids, a business, a renovation, the financial strain, you name it.. It is stressful! I want to be thankful, grateful! I want to dream of all the good things to come because I know what His grace allows. Andrew and I sit with more unknowns on our lap than we EVER have but we also sit with more things to be grateful for than we ever have. We have a choice to focus on what is out of our control and move through all the scenarios life could throw at us or we could just TRUST that we know God has something for us and be grateful! Just like I sit and know I have a baby coming but I don’t know all the details.. I can rest and know there is always something good ahead and not worry about all the details. See how amazing it is that waiting for a baby can teach you so much more in life? Whatever season you are going through, whatever pain you feel in your heart I challenge you to not let it ruin you or be wasted but to allow your heart to learn from it. Maybe you need to find the things you are grateful for. Maybe you need a new perspective. Whatever it is, allow it to teach you and move you forward.

 

I fall down upon the crown
Press my face against the earth
Till my heart it rises over my head
As the weight it bows down low
When the autumn wind blows
I kneal before the one I love
Find me grateful
Find me thankful
Find me on my knees
Find me dreaming
Find me singing
Find me lost in your grace
Like the dust that you first held
In the garden where He knelt
Pull me up against your face again
Till the breath of your hope
Fill the depths of my soul
All I know is I’ve been found by love
Find me grateful
Find me thankful
Find me on my knees
Find me dreaming
Find me singing
Find me lost in your grace
In the garden where He knelt
Pull me up against your face again
Till the breath of your hope
Fill the depths of my soul
All I know is I’ve been found by love
Find me grateful
Find me thankful
Find me on my knees
Find me dreaming
Find me singing
Find me lost in your grace

 

Sharing, serving, and celebrating,

Andrew + Chrissy

 

P.S. Photo credit of me rocking goes to Emlyn, the best four year old photographer I know! 😀