That’s for me.. Oh is that ever for me.
My anxiety is through the roof lately because my to-do list is overwhelming me. Life seems out of my control in all areas. My office is 10 miles away from me.. which may not seem far but when you are a mom.. It might as well be in Europe. When I am at the office my ONE day, maybe if I am lucky, TWO days a week..is nothing but a mad dash to try to take care of everything so the business will at-least survive. All I can think about is time and all I am not going to be able to cross off that day. The pressure in my chest builds as the day goes on. I skip meals, I don’t drink water, and frankly I indulge my whole being into my list. It’s so unhealthy. I put all this pressure on myself to get IT ALL done and I now know why..
After feeling frustrated because what I thought was an item I had crossed off my list to never return again..turned up being NOT done at all and right back on the list… I scrammed and decided I was done working for now and made a quick click over to Facebook.. Bad choice. Almost always. But tonight.. It was for me. It was just what I needed. Christine Caine posted a status and it was simple:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. —Galatians 1:10 (NIV)”
Dang it! Why!? My heart knows.. My heart knows that everything is His. That this is ONLY for HIM..but I forget sometimes that my mind doesn’t and I have to stop my mind from running me around. The truth is the only reason my to-do list EVER overwhelms me is because I am trying to receive someone else’s approval. I place false expectations on myself to be GREAT and to get everything DONE and to be ORGANIZED and to be PERFECT… I strive to be all of those things with out realizing I am not SERVING.. I am only PLEASING.. I always say my heart is to serve. And it is. But I think with ALL things there is a level of truth always later revealed. Someone once told me.. The TRUTH is like an onion. Onions have lots and lots of layers! I think in this moment, I have found another layer. If I am doing something to PLEASE someone than I am simply NOT serving. This is a heart check.
I am not writing this to share my sob story. I am writing this to share that life is SO not what it seems, that we all have struggles, and pains. A freshly curated feed is not a true reflection of the heart. For me, the bible has a way of placing a mirror right in front of me an revealing what I can’t see from the inside out. If you feel the way I do, I encourage you to do the check.. Am I pleasing or am I serving? Maybe this is for you.
Sharing, serving, and celebrating,
Andrew + Chrissy