Worth the Wait | Personal
October 10, 2016 , Wedding
I think this wins for the longest and BEST kept secret I have ever kept in my life. I wasn’t ever intending to hold this in for this long but it just happened that way! To be honest, I have been SO excited to share this with you but I also have really struggled with the words to say. This might seem odd because this should be a time of celebration and it IS! I want to be sensitive however and take notice to the fact this month is pregnancy and infant loss awareness. I also want to acknowledge all the ladies out there that have longed for a baby whether its their first or third.. infertility and loss is a pain that is often riddled with isolation and loneliness. I know so many ladies stories and I know so many woman who are hurting around me. We have had our own story of struggle. Why we have traveled the road WE have I will never know. Why some woman end up with that beautiful rainbow baby and some never do?? I will never know. These are questions I wish that I could answer. I pray that sharing our news today would not discourage the one holding on to hope. I pray it would do the exact opposite. I pray that you would find strength to take courage!
When I was 14 I remember being told that “I was different”. My tubes looked different, my hormone levels were different, I never got my period till I was 16.. the list goes on. I remember going to the doctor when I was getting married and yet again being told that having a child in the future would be difficult. When Andrew and I got married I expressed to him I never wanted to prevent pregnancy because I had been told my whole life how difficult it would be and IF we got pregnant it would be meant to be. After a few years we decided to go get things looked into. I found out that I headmost likely NEVER ovulated. That I made ZERO progesterone. I was discouraged but happy they knew what was wrong. Then on top of that we found out that Andrew had some problem areas as well. We journeyed through month after month on fertility medicine and on the last month before a major surgery we got pregnant! Amazing! I praise God that she was healthy and all I cared about was making it full term. I was high risk my entire pregnancy since my body did not make hormones on its own. I was riddled with fear all 9 months and never fully celebrated until she was born because I just kept my heart on safeguard when miscarriage had been the number one discussion at all my appointments.
After she was born we decided to proceed as before and not prevent anything. When Emlyn was two we decided to get everything checked out again and it was more confusing than before. NOW my body suddenly ovulated and made everything but we weren’t getting pregnant. Months went by and I found out my thyroid was out of whack. I never felt right after having Emlyn, and even on the medicine. We continued and tried the same medicine we used to get pregnant with Emlyn for 8 months and NEVER got pregnant. After that we just let it go and that was when we moved to Ohio. About 8 months ago I got a new endocrinologist and OBGYN and they have been fantastic. They started changing my thyroid medicine around and they monitored me closely. They cared about us having another child. We felt heard.
Through tons of testing and monitoring my periods closely we discovered that we were actually getting pregnant but not carrying through. I would just get a late, heavy period in my eyes and had no idea what was really going on. The month of June I thought for sure I was pregnant, 4 days later I got my period and that month it was confirmed by my doctor I was in fact miscarrying. This was eye opening because I couldn’t believe that we most likely had babies in heaven. It changed everything for me. I took that month a lot harder as you can imagine. My doctors then changed my medicine and on July 29th I got a call that my bloodwork looked perfect for the first time EVER! I couldn’t believe it! The doctor said ” everything should be real good this month, lets hope you get a baby!” I hung up feeling hope for the first time. Little did I know, that next day we would find out we were ALREADY pregnant. I can’t express that moment. Tears! So many tears!
Waiting 3.5 years for Emlyn was tough… this baby I wanted so much too because I wanted it for her. Every day she got older and I wasn’t pregnant I would just feel it set in. I was THANKFUL for her and never took that for granted but the pain of wanting a sibling for her was really where my heart stayed. If you look back through our blog you will see the many posts of our sweet girl praying for a sister or a brother. She has asked us for two years about having a baby and has had faith that has kept me through the hardest times. I don’t know WHY it took us FOUR years to get pregnant. I don’t know WHY we faced the pain and loss we did but I do know that God is definitely in the waiting. I know that when I prayed and waited for Emlyn for 3.5 years that what was built in me was something that still stands. I learned a lot about gratitude, about the beauty of woman, about hope, faith, and so much more. Praying for the last four years and seeing the timing of it all I can see what was accomplished and how this little life is coming just when it is meant to.
I have been the one on the other side of the phone or computer scrolling through and seeing another pregnancy announcement and immediately being rushed with so much emotion. I have been the one who has felt like no one really knows the pain I feel by not being able to have a baby. I wish I could gather the woman in my life in one spot who have faced loss and struggle just like me and have FOUND HOPE! I had a friend who tried for 8 YEARS and never once got a YES! She got her first YES and miscarried shortly after. WHY? After so long and then it was taken away. Her spouse got hit with cancer and the list goes on. Now they have TWO beautiful babies. It is unreal. I still look at her in awe of what God has done! I also knew someone who tried for 6+ years and never got pregnant, went through IVF and LOST that baby at 39 weeks. HEART WRENCHING. They adopted and then shortly after found out they were pregnant! Now they have two beautiful babies! Here we are…. 3.5 years and we got our baby and 4 years later and we have our second on the way! Listen, I promise their are so many more stories of hope out there.
We are 15 weeks pregnant….
we just found out early that we are having another GIRL!
I would be lying if I didn’t say we were hoping for a boy but the closer we got to the ultrasound I kept thinking about Emlyn having a sister. I love having a sister to share life with and there is no bond quite like it. I wanted that for her and knew I would be excited if she got to have that gift. When they said GIRL we were obviously thrilled but we DO want to try in the future again for a boy. It was super special because we got to find out on Emlyn’s birthday!
I am sure you have lots of questions so I am going to try to answer them here quickly!
- When are you due? – April 3rd, 2017
- How have you been feeling? – Well. I am not one that can say its been great. I never thought it would be possible to be sicker than I was with Emlyn.. but in fact I am sicker. I was sick all 9 months with Emlyn, not just with nausea but actually getting sick. This pregnancy so far I have easily visited the toilet, bushes, parking lots, flower beds and more 150+ times. lol! From 6-9 weeks I was DEAD. I slept 18 hours a day, threw up 7-10 times a day and then it got to be more like 3-4 times. Now I am where I will have a few good days and then throw up a few times. Its getting easier but this has been REALLY challenging. I swear I am not complaining!
- How have you been shooting weddings? – If you haven’t noticed, I have been bringing along an assistant with me. Our friend Marie helped with the two weddings in PA and she was a huge help. Both weddings I held up fine through the day but spent most of time in the bathroom during the reception. Our couples were super understanding and excited for us. Thankfully we have a few months break and I am hoping I am doing much better come the end of November and December!
- What will next year look like for the business? – We have one wedding in May and one in June right now and we will most likely leave that the way it is. As far as the rest of the year we are taking everything with careful consideration. We get a lot of out of town weddings and do not want to over do that with two children. As far as locally we are ok with taking as many as we can with in reason. We will see!
- NAMES?- Yeah, not really. We had a boy name picked out so its back to the drawing boards!
- You are above the pizza shop, will you have a nursery? – We have BIG plans over the next few months with continuing renovations and starting downstairs. We have a few ideas and we just have to see how time fares. No matter what the baby will have a room though! We will show you more soon!
Thank you to Sarah D’Attoma from D’Attoma Studios for taking photos for us! I want to leave all of you with this video. I came across it soon after we found out we were pregnant and couldn’t help but think how true this. Whatever you are waiting for out there, be encouraged!
Slow down, take time
Breathe in, he said
He’d reveal what’s to come
The thoughts in his mind
Always higher than mine
He’ll reveal all to come
Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing
He’s never failing
Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let his words lead you on
Do not forget
His great faithfulness
He’ll finish all he’s begun
And you who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep your promises to me
That I will rise in your victory
Miracles happen when you fix your eyes on Jesus
Sharing, serving, and celebrating,
Andrew + Chrissy